Isn't it funny how life seems to just not do what you think it should...
My boss is in France until next week for a conference. He leaves and everything I want to do to end the rotation fails. I have not been able to complete onething because my stuff is contaminated. I dont know what to do and I really don't have the time either. I am set to start a new lab very soom. As in next week or the week after. And I am going back to Indy for July 4 weekend. It will be lots of fun but I have so much to do before I go back. Ahhhhh.
I have been working out a lot and I love it. I always miss it when my life gets in the way of working out. The last couple of quarters in school were a constant drill of work, study, sleep, work, study, sleep. I was able to work out like once a week, but now I can go everyday if I want. I took Wednesday off, but have gone every other day this week. When I get to Indy, I am going to either have to work out at my parents house (they have treadmill, yay) or just go swimming bunches. Oh darn, I guess I just might have to swim bunches. Hehe. I have a specific goal in mind for working out. Yes, I do have a particular weight I would like to be but that isn't really my goal. My goal is to be able to run an 12 min mile. I know that may seem weird but I am not a runner. I never have been. I can go on the elipical machine for ages, I love the bike (esp recumbant bike), swimming is one of my most wonderful joys, but I hate running. I know that you can loose weight better and faster walking and I do that also. But I want to be able to run a 12 min mile. I don't know why, just a personal goal. My friend Amanda is helping me by being very supportive and telling me how. She is one of those people that actually grew up playing sports and doing stuff like running. Freak, hehe, just kidding. In my house growing up, sports was not an important thing. We, Kat and I, didn't like them and my parents didn't force us to participate. Which I am very happy about. I work out for me and no one else. Yes, it is nice to be looked at with appreciation but if I can't look at myself and be happy it isn't going to matter if anyone else does, because I wont believe it. And if I don't believe it then I won't let anything happen.
I am very self-suffient and reliant. I love my family, and when worse comes to shove I will ask them for what I need, but only at the point that I have to. I will go on my own for as long as I can. That is just who I am. I am not so stupid as to think I never need help. I need reasurance everyday that people like me, which I know they do because I am just so lovable, some days I just have to be reminded =) And I know at work that I need help because I am learning about research and what it entails. Once I learn something I am good, but I have a lot to go before I am going to be self-suffient at work-ie like when I get my PhD I think I am getting to the point.
I love making people happy. One of my greatest joys in life is seeing people smile. I don't ask for much, just their souls. Ah, you think I am joking. No really. Hehe. Ok back to my train of thought. Hmmm, oh yeah. I do like pretty things and it is always nice to recieve gifts, but I dont have to have them. A well placed comment of my wonderful character and beautiful hair is worth diamonds to me. That and I get a lot of pride buying stuff for myself. I think it silly that some people think that a person has to buy them things to prove they are in love with them. Christmas is one of my favorite times of year, not because I get presents, but because I can give people I love things that will make them happy. Kathy and I spend hours trying to come up with things that people will make people light up when they see it. I have given Kathy two giant lion stuffed animals because I know she will think they are cute and love them. I love buying people toys. One, adults never truly expect it and second, children have the right of i-toys are awesome.
I am making lots of process with World of Warcraft. I am now a 56. I have done Lower Black Rock Spire several times now and I love the fact that our guild is getting to the point that we can do raids by ourselves. It is important to interact with others and I think that it enriches the experience. But there is also joy in that our friends, our guild, is getting to be so strong. It makes me happy. I have made a lot of great wonderful friends from the guild. I hope they are as happy as I am.
Ok, I am done going on and on for now. I have to get dressed and go to school now. I have to print some papers for Amanda and myself and just get stuff done.
Peace out,
Juls
New Patches bring new mayhem...
Today the new patch came out for World of Warcraft. It was lots of fun. My guild plus guildies from friend guilds took me to my first raid in Upper Black Rock Spire. I had a blast. Being a priest, all of my concentration was on healing people, but since Grueslayer (60 priest), was also in the group I was not the main healer and was able to learn more about what it means to be a healer in a large group. I can't wait to do more. I like questing alone. There is some glee to be found in being able to bring down a foe on your own. At the same time, being in a group, a team if you will, all working on the same goals, there is also glee. I have leveled in the game mostly on my own (with help from time to time from my guildies) but now I am getting to the point that I can no longer just play alone. I will of course have alts that I start to play, especially when I only have quests with Juldia that involve others, but getting this far with my main char brings a certain happiness. I have accomplished this. Yes it is just a game, but it is also more than that. My friend Eric asked if WoW is a good thing or a bad thing. People have died playing this game, relationships ended, lives destroyed. But at the same time friends have been made and bonds forged. It is a release for me that is very important with all the other shit going on in my life. Before I started playing this game, I had a relatively small local group of friends. Now I have friends all around the world, including England and Australia (yippee for Ken now having his valor headset). I can speak with them and not care about phone bills. I can be with my sister, who I love very much, but not live in the same city. Somewhere along the way, WoW has become very much my extended family. I love my guild, Wrath of Hachiman, and am happy that it is growing into such an amazing thing. I will of course still have those days that only sleep and shouting can cure, but there will of course be the others that killing a murloc or two will bring a smile to my face.
I was sick this last weekend and in Indy at my parents place. It was a fun time even though I sleeped most of it. Sometimes even the crappiest days can still be good. Hopefully the rest of the week at work won't be as crappy as today was. I think I almost jabbed my eyes out several times but that is to be expected. People are people and sometimes I just hate people. They can be rude and mean and not very empathetic. I know I am being vague and random but eh, I feel like it. All well, time for me to sleep again so I can wake for another day.
purr,
Juls
We never really know what is going to happen in the next second...
I always seem to think that my life is all figured out and I know what direction I am going in and then something happens to slap me awake. I am going to be doing another lab rotation this summer. I am meeting with the prinicpal investigator today so I will post when I know more but I hadn't planned on doing three rotations. For what it is worth, at the beginning of both of my other two I thought I would be staying in the labs. It is not uncommon for students to have to do multiple rotations. In fact, in my program you have to do at least two since we are made up of the Pathology Department and Internal Medicine Department. I did my first rotation with Dr. Joan Cook-Mills, who is now at Northwestern University in Chicago. I am currently rotating in Dr. Simon Newman's lab. I am happy here. But I may not be able to stay. Research is not a cheap venture and having graduate students is definetly not cheap. Dr. Newman is not sure if he can keep me. So now I go forth to find a new lab and start all over again with meeting new people and learning new techniques.
I like what I do, I don't think the next forty-fiveish years would look so appealing if I did not. However, I am not into politics. Oh, I will agrue them for the fun of it and they can piss me off. But overall I don't pay attention to them. I don't watch the news except for the Daily Show and I keep away from the internet news. It just doesn't seem worth all the upset to me.
But now I am concerned. Isn't that just how it always is, people aren't bothered to do anything until it affects them. And yes I am grouping myself in that so unsocially accepted group. I don't volunteer, I don't donate money to worthy causes, and I ignore the news around me. For the most part, little snipets do make their way to me. Like I said, I do watch the Daily Show. And people talk and I think Ann Coulter is a bitch and I do listen.
Where am I going with this? I need a person in the white house that supports research funding. This directly impacts everyone but especially me since I work in research. I can't save people through finding a cure for something if I have no funding. Think on that for a while. (Just wanted to note that I did vote and will continue to do that because it is extrememly important)
Ok, off my soap box for now. I am almost 52 in WoW. It is exciting. I love my guildies, they are the best. Wrath of Hachiman Rules! Though the latest member's discussion about me is a little disturbing. LOL.
I am at work waiting for my S.cerevisiae to opsonize so that I can add it to a macrophage monolayer to see how many of the yeasts are taken up by the cells. Sounds exciting doesn't it.
I do sometimes wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Of course, to be able to prescribe drugs I would have had to go to med school and at this point nothing could make me become a med student. They really piss me off. They are all so cocky and think that graduate students are sooo beneath them. But of course I can see their side of it and I guess if I was going to be cutting into people I would hope that I was cocky because second guessing yourself is not a luxury they have because people die.
I am a philosopher though. I never will stop being that. It is one of the reasons I can look at multiple sides to things and see how others might react. That and I am an empath. Not to the point that I can truly sense another's emotions, but I am really good at reading people, which comes from years of watching. I can also put myself in their place, not exactly of course since no one person is the same, but enough that I can get a sense of what they feel. I try to help either by saying something or just being there. I am also a pisces. Supposedly, that means I am sensitive and caring. And sometimes I really am. And sometimes I am a bitch.
Ok, I must get back to work now, bye bye,
Woot,
Juls
DING...
I finally made it to 50 in World of Warcraft. Now I just have 10 more levels to go...
Holy Nova,
Juls
Ennui...
I have been going strong for a while. I am just now ready to collapse. I want to go home and sleep forever. Or maybe not, I have yet to make it to 60 in World of Warcraft. Ok, so maybe I want to play my game-then sleep. Sometimes I think the universe is against me and trying to make everything I do difficult and time consuming. Then I remember that the universe really couldn't give a crap what happens to me. I don't believe in God. I don't think that life follows along on some predestined route. I think that things just happen. They have consequences-otherwise I wouldn't be here now, but the only thing controlling me is me and everything that happens to me is from my actions or those actions around me. I named my cat Juna after Nagarjuna for a reason. Think about it a little.
Life has a funny way of making you feel very insignificant. Since at the moment I couldn't give a crap-I guess it is ok.
I am a coward. I am an introvert. I like being alone. Being around lots of people all the time stresses me out. I want to scream when people don't understand this or think it will change. I don't like putting myself out there. In fact I hate it very very very much. To the point in fact that when people make me put myself out there for the world to see, I start to REALLY resent them. If I make the decision to jump, then it is fine. However, I will throw anyone off the cliff before I let them push me. And I will feel good about it. Really deep down I am not that nice of a person. I may look sweet and innocent and gentle but that is because it is easier that way. Don't ask me what I mean, I can't exlain it. There are times that I want to break every single piece of glass I can find. There are times I want to break every single face I see. Humphf, isn't it amazing that I have never before gotten in a physical fight-oh, wait I am an introvert-I don't like to be around people so why would I start a fight. I barely suffer being touched. Of course some of that is just from the fact that I am not use to being touched. I don't mind when my family touches me. I am use to them touching me. It sort of freaks me out when other people touch me. Why do I always fall for guys that I really don't want or can't have. And I am not speaking of Mike Patton. He is a god and therefore everyone should fall to his feet. No, I mean people I know. I start to think about someone I know and then start to think of them in a more personal way. I obsess about them for a while and then I get over it. But in that space of time that I think about them, I get awkward. I am already awkward enough around men. That is because of course I have never dated.
Have to go back to work now,
Pff,
Juls
